“A Letter To My Youngest Sister”

Little sister,
this is your time.
I know that what I chance to write
will mean less than nothing to you,
but all I ask is that you tuck this letter away
in some sock drawer-attic
until another decade should come to pass.

You are your own person –
a bright shining nova blazing
in a galaxy full of incomprehensibly
unique and powerful phenomena.
Even the most colossal planets
can only trace orbits of wistfulness around you,
waiting for the day.
Do not let anyone else determine your worth –
to humanity, to the universe, to yourself –
and don’t underestimate yourself,
for reasons of modesty or esteem.
Be adventurous, take risks, talk to strangers.

What seems as though it should be a small step
will often come close to killing you –
heart-stoppingly so –
and those small choices that we make daily
without even a second thought
go on to move mountains
when reconsidered in the proper light.

Adults know much, but
the most definite knowledge they hold
is how precious little they do in fact know.
That which they do,
they spend a juvenile amount of time bickering about
in half-hearted attempts to nail down something
which was lost exaseconds ago.

Kindness goes far,
is more valuable than money
to friends and strangers alike.
Smile at whores,
answer those who ask so bluntly for your hard-earned pay.
Such acts have a way of boomeranging around
until even a flash of eye contact –
that flash-bulb aha! of recognition –
is enough to remind you both of that-one-time-when
and in an instant, your day is lifted.

Little star,
this is what I wish for you:
that you grow up healthy in body and mind,
that you know countless joys and minimal sorrows,
that you never be wanting for food or friends,
that you experience all the richness this life holds,
and that all for whom you care should be kept safe.

For now, be well and burn bright.

Stunts and secrets

I caused a scene at my grandfather’s funeral the other day, and I wasn’t even there. It went like this: I was invited to go and so made the necessary arrangements…then I was uninvited (something to do with my birthmother agreeing to come, but only if I wouldn’t be there)…and so I stayed home but decided to send along a message anyhow (with the help of ready and willing cousin M-), for the sake of finally knowing that my birthmother has received something directly from me and had opportunity to accept or reject it as she pleases.

My stunt pretty much forced all secrets out into the open which isn’t necessarily fair to everyone…but then again, neither is the alternative. I don’t want to be a secret, I never asked to be, and it’s not fair to ask me or any adoptee to stay hush-hush or lie about how we’re related to the rest of the people on this earth. Conversations may not be easy, but they need to happen regardless. I’ve now gained two younger sisters – that’s right, for the first time in my life, I’m a big sister. God, but that feels strange to say.

As for our mother, only time will tell.